Almost There

It's amazing how much shorter 4 more weeks of treatment sounds than 5 more weeks.  The end is so close, I just want to speed up time.  I'm into the final stretch!!!

I Think I'm Crazy

Now that I'm in the final weeks of my chemotherapy treatments, I've come to the realization that when it's over, I'll be back in the office five days a week.  This is extremely depressing.  Looking back on this year, I've only been in the office for a five-day work-week once in 2014.  I've worked from the chemo chair or from home on most of those fifth days, but I wasn't sitting in the basement office under fluorescent lights breathing in mold and getting eye strain.

I'm actually going to miss the break of my chemo days.  How crazy is that?

Naked at Work

Yep, I decided to go au naturel at work today.  I just couldn't bring myself to cover up after a long weekend of being comfortable.  Instead, I threw a little something in my bag so I had it with me in case I got questions or got sick of double-takes (of which I've had many) and walked into work with nothing but skin and peach fuzz out in the open for all to see.  Looks like I'll make it all day at work without wearing anything on my head.

Wait - what did you think I meant?

Random 9

I've come to realize that this is probably the only time in my life when I could ride in a convertible with the top down and not have to worry about my hair whipping me in the face.

Now to find a convertible...

Random 8

You know, during this year of stress and anxiety and doctors appointments, working from the chemo chair with an IV coming out of the port on my chest, a blood pressure cuff on one arm and a pulse oximeter on the other hand (try typing like that sometime), working from home after chemo while what I really want to do is sleep but I stay awake just in case they need me, making sure the managers get their precious commission reports done accurately and turned in on time, making sure us hourly folk get paid (when I'm not the one who is supposed to be doing it), dealing with the corporate office and the boss...one would think I might get nominated just once for employee of the month.

One would think anyway.

Maybe after I have my surgery and am out of work for at least 2 weeks, they'll feel differently.  Maybe.

What Will My Verse Be?

That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on 

and you may contribute a verse.  

What will your verse be?

I've had this quote from Dead Poets Society hanging on the window of my office ever since news of my diagnosis went public.  I'm not sure why I posted it or why I haven't taken it down.  I guess I have it there as a reminder that the day to day happenings in the basement office are so meaningless in the grand scope of things.  That I intend to make sure that this carcinoma adventure that I'm going on is not for nothing - something good will come of it one way or another.

The problem is that I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how I can use what I'm going through to help others and I'm stuck.  I keep coming up with little ideas here and there and either I decide against them or they just seem too big for me to take on.  Do I rally to get the recommended annual preventative mammogram age down to at least 35?  Do I start up a foundation and award a scholarship to kids who graduate with good grades even while they have a family member going through health issues?  Do I start some sort of resource center online for people with cancer under the age of 50 - somewhere you can find hats that aren't terrycloth turbans and provide links to foundations that can help pay the bills or help with child care?  There's really not much out there for those of us in the younger demographic.  Or is the fact that maybe what's happened to me has made a few people go get mammograms when they'd been putting it off for years enough?

I don't know yet.  I just know I have to contribute something.

First Peaches, Now Prunes

Well, along with the peach fuzz that is growing all over the place at a rapid pace, my fingertips have become prune-like.  I'm so fruity!  Apparently the moisture's just being sucked out of my fingertips and they're starting to permanently look like I've been in a bathtub for an hour.  (I wish I had been in a bathtub for an hour.)  So, I will start trying to moisturize the tips of my fingers which, I have to say, is not the easiest thing in the world to do when you have even shortish fingernails.

Maybe I need Madge to show up with a little finger bowl of Palmolive so I can be "soaking in it" during the day.

Peachy Keen

I've got so much peach fuzz on my head!  I guess that's a good sign, right?  Peach fuzz is the precursor to real hair, isn't it?  I've still got a few bald spots here and there, but I'm hopeful that those will fill in soon and maybe I'll start getting actual stubble.

I also have peach fuzz in my armpits.  Like Chris said, it's like I'm going through menopause and puberty at the same time!  Wahoo!!

So if I'm starting to grow hair in the places where I first lost it, why am I still losing hair in other places?  Oh, the mysteries of the human body...

Random 7

There are times after a shower when I open the curtain and am greeted by Uncle Fester.  No, he's not in my bathroom - it's me because I hadn't gotten all of my eye makeup off the night before.  I wrap my towel around me and look quite a bit like this:

Then for some reason I have this incredible urge to dance the Mamushka.

Dang Money

Dang cancer.  Dang insurance.  Dang healthcare industry.

We'll have to pay about $12,000.00 in medical bills for this year and last year combined.  We have an online fundraiser which many, many people have so kindly donated to (even people who don't really have enough extra money to give - I love my friends) and that's brought in $4,500 so far, but it's basically stalled out  and we still have $7,500 to go....and we'll have plenty of bills coming in next year for follow up tests, little outpatient surgeries, etc.  Plus, we still have our regular living expenses like...oh...food, clothes, utilities.  Not like we can take away from those. 

So, how do we come up with that extra fundage?  We don't have the time to pick up second jobs because of appointments, treatments, upcoming surgeries, etc.  

My standby answer of "Well, I'll just start prostituting myself" won't work right now because I don't think many men go for the bald chick look.  Wait, maybe they do.  There are some crazy-ass fetishes out there - that has to be one of them, right?  (I'd look it up, but I'm at work and I'm afraid where that might take me.)  That's it!  I'll start up a web page with my bald self all over it and rake in the big bucks!  Maybe it will be so successful that I'll keep shaving everything once the hair does finally start growing back....

HA!

Oh, I don't think so.

The Trouble with Taxol

Well, 5 treatments of the Taxol down and 7 more to go.  The end is in sight!  It's a good feeling knowing I'm almost done with this.  There are just a couple of pesky little things that have popped up that I hope don't get worse in these next 7 weeks.

The neuropathy has kicked in.  I had started feeling it in my right foot soon after I started, but that's seemed to fade and now it's hitting the fingers in my right hand.  Especially my ring finger and little finger.

Maybe I should say pinky instead.

Sigh.

Anyway, i find myself trying to shake out the tingly numbness in my fingers to no avail.  It's like they're falling asleep and there's nothing I can do about it.  The thing that worries me about this is that it's a cumulative side effect which means it gets worse over time and if it gets too bad, the damage might be irreparable.  This is not good - especially when I'm tight-handed and my job is typing on a keyboard all day.  I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't come to that.

The other little thing that's popped up is that my heart rate has jumped.  My resting rate is usually around 85 or so when I'm at the doc's.  For the past 3 weeks, it's been around 105.  At first I wrote it off to being my one big cup of coffee in the morning, but i noticed that I'd have a rapid rate in the evenings too.  I even cut out caffeinated coffee in the mornings and nothing's changed.  Okay, I've only been off caffeine since Monday, but I'd figure I'd still see somewhat of a difference.

Sigh again

The nurse practitioner was trying to think of things that might be causing it, medications I'm taking, water I'm taking in, etc., but the only thing that I know of that's changed in that amount of time has been the switch in my chemo to the Taxol.  She looked up the side effects while we were there and sure enough, a whopping 2% of people on Taxol get tachycardia.  Two freaking percent.  Lucky me!  It's not a huge deal right now.  They don't get concerned about it until it hits 120 resting, but it does make exercising a bit more difficult.  When you start out at 105, it doesn't take much to get into that target heart rate zone and not much more than that to go too far.  So, I walk...and not as fast as I'd like to for now.  We're "keeping an eye on it".

I've been getting some pretty major muscle aches on this stuff too, but as long as I take Aleve from Saturday through Tuesday it doesn't affect me too much.  I can certainly tell when the Aleve is starting to wear off though.  Wow.

Still, I do feel better on this stuff than I did with the other chemo.  My mood is better, I feel more like myself, have more energy, can eat anything anytime.  It's all good....except for those pesky little things.

An Answer

The answer to the question to Random 1 is yes.

The answer is yes.

Positivity

Well, I guess one good thing about chemo (other than the whole killing off cancer cells thing...kind of important) is that my complexion has been fabulous ever since February.  I swear I've only had one pimple since then.  It's been awesome!  Especially since I can't hide behind my hair any more.

Yay chemo!